It's hard not to take certain things kids say personally. I might be smiling, but I'm just an inch away from the taking-it-personally vortex.
The taking-it-personally vortex
Seek first to understand…
In his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey enjoins us to “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
As hard as this may be to remember to do with other adults sometimes, I find it even harder to remember to do with my son.
Recently I got my son and his stepbrother reading and math workbooks based on movie characters. My son got a Cars (as in the Disney movie) workbook for Chanukah, while his stepbrother got a Spiderman workbook. My son wailed and hollered for days…”It’s not fair! It’s not fair! Why did you give him that?”
Another look at demands
We don’t blog much about, and certainly don’t advocate much for, demands. But sometimes a seemingly rash move like a demand can really shake things up–in good ways.
Last week a good friend of mine back east quit his job. His boss, who rarely had anything but criticism and sarcasm for him said, “I didn’t think you’d have the guts to do what’s best for yourself.” Then the two of them sat down and had a heart-to-heart that lasted over two hours!
This got me thinking–it seemed like the boss, too, was caught in some kind of pattern that was harmful even to herself. She experienced a kind of relief, too, when my friend quit–essentially, did the only thing in his power to demand the behavior stop. She also expressed some sadness and regret that things had gone the way they did. Once my friend unilaterally changed the terms of their relationship by walking out, the boss also got freed up to be more herself–got more access to her full humanity.
How to be in charge and stay connected
As part of launching our Perspectives on Feelings audio program, Shelly and I asked for your questions related to feelings, so we could get a discussion going around the topic. You might have seen our video blogs the last few weeks.
I’m giving the camera a rest and going back to the old familiar keyboard this week. One of you asked, “My son’s a wiggler. Sometimes I need to use force to put him in diapers, into a car seat, or other places. What do you recommend?”
Here are some things to keep in mind:
My child is scared of so many things…
As an introduction to Awake Parent's new audio program, Perspectives on Feelings, Jill Nagle responds to a parent's question about addressing her child's many fears.