Some of the most challenging moments with young people have got to be the times when you ask for help with something and then you hear a loud and defiant, “No!” in response. In times like those, you just wish you could force your kids to do your will. Unfortunately, if you do force them when they’re little, pretty soon they grow too big to force. So, I recommend starting out by encouraging cooperation at every opportunity, and then when your kids are big, you’ll already have established a routine of helping each other out. Here are my top five keys to encouraging cooperation.
Storytelling, it’s more important than you think
Whenever the same idea comes up again and again in my life, I try my best to pay attention. For me, the fact that I’ve heard the same thing said in different ways a bunch of times, especially over a short period of time, means that there’s something special I need to pay attention to. This belief has served me well over the years and brought some interesting insights.
This week the concept that keeps popping up is that the ability to tell a cohesive narrative about our lives makes all the difference in attachment and parenting. I first read the idea in “Parenting from the Inside Out” by Siegel and Hartzell and then just moments ago, I saw a video on facebook about the exact same concept. Coincidence? I think not.
The positive power of play
Every year here in Bend, OR we have “The week of the young child.” It’s a week of activities centered around child development in the first five years of life. Last night I went to a really great free event with several speakers who shared their passions about supporting child development. We heard a lot about pre-literacy and how to prepare young children for reading. But the speaker that moved me most talked about the importance of play in learning and development.
In humans, as in other animals, play is crucial to learning. When children engage in imaginary play they are acting out possible real life scenarios, practicing skills they’ll need as they mature, and processing experiences they’ve had. So, if we want to support our children’s learning and growth, it’s absolutely necessary that we play with them. I want to repeat that, because it’s not just that we ought to allow our children to play or invite their friends over to play with them. We actually need to get down on the floor and play with them.
The truth about separation anxiety
OK, I’ll admit it, when I was a preschool teacher I used to shake my head at the moms who had such a hard time leaving their child. It seemed obvious to me that by prolonging their goodbyes and furrowing their brows they were only escalating their child’s separation anxiety. If they would just leave swiftly, their child would settle in and enjoy the day much sooner!
Now that I have my own child, I definitely have more compassion for those moms. It’s so hard to leave sometimes! And when your little one is clinging to you and asking you to stay, I imagine it’s almost impossible to walk away.
A cure for clutter: using a rug to define a workspace
Are you tired of tripping over your child’s toys or bugging the kids to pick them up off the living room floor? Using a rug to define your child’s workspace is a great solution that works well for everyone!
You might even already have a rug that will work well. You want a rag rug, bathmat, or other rug that is about three feet by four feet in size and is easy to roll up. To keep it out of the way when it’s not being used, you can store your rug in a clean trash can, large vase, or other container when it’s rolled up. And when your child is ready to get out her dinosaurs, remind her to get her rug first. This trick was taught to me by my friend who is also a parent and works for Oriental Rug Cleaning in Jupiter, FL, she the idea while working one day! Just make sure you don’t choose a rug that will get dirty easily.