Awake Parent

April 11, 2012June 19, 2012

So what exactly AM I supposed to say to my child now?

Photo by Suzette Hibble www.thebayareaphotographer.com

Some of the recent research on the psychology of children is showing that saying things like, “You’re so smart! Good job! And He’s so cute!” can actually harm a child’s emerging sense of self-confidence. Apparently when we tell a child she’s smart because she got an A on her report card, she automatically associates the two and begins to think that if she doesn’t get an A, she’ll no longer be considered “smart.”

In an effort to encourage more internal motivation and less dependence on external validation, researchers and other experts are recommending that we remove this kind of empty praise from our vocabulary with our kids. read more

April 4, 2012

My Frozen Baby Fantasy

I’ve worked for YEARS to grow as a person, to understand myself, my emotions, and my reactions to the things that happen to me. I know how to understand and express my emotions responsibly, resolve conflicts, and use positive redirection to help my child thrive. But that doesn’t make me perfect and it certainly doesn’t stop all the crazy thoughts my mind decides to think.

I think every parent fantasizes about harming his or her child at one point or another. If you say you haven’t, I don’t believe you for a minute. Maybe it’s just a fleeing thought of pinching them, or a long consideration about spanking them, “for their own good.” Perhaps it’s a thought about smothering their cries or a morbid image of tossing them out of a moving car. Of course we would never DO these things. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think about it. read more

March 28, 2012March 29, 2012

Redefining “Family Friendly”

I wish every public restroom had a child sized toilet. I want small tables and chairs that fit my daughter’s body in public spaces. I hope we are moving toward accepting, celebrating, and accommodating the small-bodied humans that make up a substantial portion of our population. But I’m tired of restaurants advertising themselves as “family friendly” just because they provide a high chair and the waiters won’t glare at me if my child accidentally drops food on the floor.

When I think of the words “family friendly” I imagine a place where parents and children are welcomed joyfully. I envision a place with activities that meet my interests AND the interests of my young child. And it’s a place where we all help each other out. To me “family friendly” means accessible, accepting, and even supportive of my whole family. read more

March 21, 2012March 21, 2012

Sometimes what kids need most from us is nothing at all

I think one of the most challenging lessons I’ve learned as a teacher and as a parent is when NOT to intervene. It is actually excruciating for me to hear a child struggling and not rush over to help. But sometimes doing nothing is actually the best thing we can do for a child. When we sit back, shut up, and allow our children to experience their struggle fully, they also get to experience the joy of conquest and the knowledge that they can rely on themselves to work through a challenge.

If you know me at all, you know that I’m not suggesting we allow our children to experience constant struggle. Emotional upset is counterproductive to learning overall. However, there are moments when we all rush in too quickly, offer too much coaching, or otherwise deflate the attempts our children are making to learn something new. read more

March 15, 2012October 7, 2012

New Shelves!

My dad came to visit last weekend and we whipped together these new shelves for all of Julia’s Montessori work. She loves seeing her activities so beautifully displayed and we built these shelves with minimal tools. Success!