The big secret of loving yourself: A Valentine for mothers

All my life I have felt ambivalent about many of the labels available to describe me or my life: Woman. Bisexual. Wife. Even “Mother.” Not because I don’t have a womb, don’t love people of many genders, have not been a committed partner, or am not a parent, but because of how I disidentify with some of the assumptions that other people attach to these words.

These days, I don’t care as much about what other people attach to words they think describe me. But on this week approaching Valentine’s day, I warmly invite all parents, especially female parents (however you define that), to love ourselves.

As mothers, we can so easily get barnacled over with everyone else’s wants, needs, expectations, that it can be hard to recognize the powerful and sexy being in the mirror for who we are underneath all that.

When we do look, we might see a self a little—or a lot—neglected. We might see the haircut we need to get (um, yeah), think about the exercise we meant to do (what happened to the time?), or the clothes we still haven’t replaced (shopping, what’s that?). We might see wrinkles advancing or dark circles from lack of sleep. The more we try to meet our families’ needs, the less time we have to fit the mold of conventional beauty.

Yeah, and?

How about taking a moment to love ourselves from the inside out? Exactly as we are! What does that feel like, or look like?

This Valentine’s Day, I invite all parents, but especially mothers, to take a few minutes, breathe in silence, and experience yourself apart from any labels others might put on you; apart from any wants, needs or expectations from others, including yourself.

Here’s permission to take a moment and embrace you: all of you. From the littlest, tiniest you, on up to the wildest, most succulent you. All of those nested dolls of past you’s  reside in you and form the shape of who you are today.

Close your eyes. Experience the fullness and beauty of yourself.  Ask, What do I want? What do I need? And listen, without judgment, for the answer. Put your arms around yourself, and love yourself, as if you were the most precious child in the world, the sexiest mama ever, your own best friend.

Or whatever works for you.

The big secret is this: Love is a verb. Don’t wait until you feel something in particular inside, or until someone else catalyzes it. Love yourself NOW. Just as we choose to love our children on those days we don’t feel so loving, we can love ourselves every day, in every moment, by choosing to act lovingly toward ourselves.

Let me know how it goes!

Love,
Jill

P.S. How do you love–or not love–yourself?  Please tell me in the comment box below…