Category: Setting kids up for success

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Educational programming increases violent behavior!

Another shocker from “Nurture Shock,” preschoolers who watched educational programming increased in violent behavior almost as much as kids who watched violent programs did. Researchers were stunned when their data revealed that educational shows significantly increased relational violence in preschool aged kids. That means that the more educational television a child watched, the more likely they were to withdraw their friendship, tell others “You can’t play with me,” and lie about their friends. Kids were more bossy, controlling and manipulative, the more educational programming they watched! read more

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News flash: It’s OK to fight in front of the kids (as long as you also do this)

Did you know it could actually be beneficial to kids to see their parents fight? Well, it’s not actually the fighting itself that is beneficial, but if children witness their parents having an argument and then resolving the conflict, they are just as happy as they would be watching their parents have a friendly discussion!

I know, I’m just as shocked as you are. I bought into all that stuff about not letting the kids see you fight, just like everyone else. But the problem with taking your argument into the other room is that children are left knowing their parents are upset, but they have no idea how the situation was resolved. On the other hand, if they can witness the conflict AND it’s resolution, children are learning how to resolve conflicts, which is a pretty important skill for everyone. read more

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Background Parenting

My friend Kristin Slye wrote something on a parenting list we’re on that really got me thinking.  She said that she thinks of parenting duties as two distinct types.  There’s connection parenting that happens when you’re focused on your kids and interacting with them and then there’s “background parenting” which is all that parenting stuff we have to do that actually doesn’t have much to do with connecting with our children.  Kristin puts things like cooking, doing laundry, and dishes in the background parenting category and she shared that when her time is spent doing mostly background parenting and very little connection parenting she gets really frustrated. read more

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A new take on discipline

What do you think of when you hear the word “discipline”?  When most people think about parenting and discipline they probably think of punitive discipline like time out, yelling, spanking, or taking away privileges.

I don’t want my daughter to be afraid of me or of the punishment I might hand down.  So I’ve chosen the most peaceful parenting I can possibly muster.  But if punitive discipline is out, does that mean I’m a total softie and my kids walk all over me?  Definitely not.

In fact, setting clear and consistent boundaries is one of the best ways to help your child feel secure.  In the Montessori schools in which I worked, we practiced a logical or natural consequences approach to setting boundaries with kids.  And it really worked!  Children understood why we did things a certain way and they were usually happy to cooperate. read more

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