Want a Kid Who Loves Math? Five Things NOT to Do and What to Do Instead

Do you want to raise a kid who loves math? Here are my top tips to produce the results you’re wanting.

1. I did NOT pressure my kids to do math or to excel in math

Instead, we played all sorts of strategic games like checkers, connect 4, chess, Pente and the like. These games build executive functioning skills like planning ahead, waiting patiently, adjusting to unexpected challenges when opponents move, and ultimately, problem solving skills. Spending time in our cerebral cortex practicing these skills in a low stakes game is much more effective, and more fun than trying to learn all of this on the fly as we move through our unpredictable lives.

2. I did not drill them or force them to memorize facts.

Instead, I sent them to Montessori preschools, and implemented Montessori learning concepts at home. Later I helped found a public Montessori elementary charter school so that they and others could experience the beauty of a Montessori elementary program. We emphasize hands on materials for mathematical understanding. Beginning with counting and ordering objects by size in preschool and kindergarten, we move on to understanding place value, operations, fractions, time, and money work all with manipulatives for concrete understanding. Once that understanding is demonstrated through practice with the material, and then we move to more and more abstract materials and very large numbers, typically introducing the concept of one million in 2nd or 3rd grade. Students are moved to paper and pencil operations as they become proficient in the mathematical skills.

3. I did not expect them to love everything I love.

I did imagine that my daughter would love to ride her bike, but she prefers running. I thought my son might enjoy climbing, but he loves mountain biking, and soccer. I learned quickly that wanting a child to enjoy something they don’t is a fruitless effort. Instead, I learned to follow my child’s interests, and to nurture in them their own sparks of curiosity. I certainly never expected either of them to have the love and aptitude for mathematics that they both share. My husband and I are more science nerds than math geeks, but we’ve never shied away from sharing our own scientific interests and curiosity with our kids. Now that they are 10 and 14, we can discuss topics in a new and in-depth way that allows us to see into our children’s thought processes.

4. I did not tell them how important math is.

Instead, I showed them everyday applications for math by asking them to help me figure out how long it would take us to do all the tasks on a list or calculate how much longer until the library opened. I allowed opportunities for fun facts about math or life driven applications of math to genuinely interest me and I allowed them to join me in that interest, or not. I often spoke my own process out loud and as my children learned and grew, we could talk with each other about how we each took different mathematical routes to get to the same result. Discussing mathematical concepts that are interesting is a great way to get kids to love math.

It was helpful that I knew that names of the Montessori math materials at school because I could say things like. “You know the multiplication bead board? I think we could use that to solve this problem. Multiplication is sets of numbers, remember?” And my kids would instantly respond, “Oh yeah! Like 4×2 is 4 twos or 2 fours.” It’s quite remarkable how much math we use in our lives. We use math for baking, accounting, construction projects, hanging art, scheduling appointments, staying within a budget, and so much more. Now my daughter loves to bake, so she loves math even more!

5. We do not have off limits topics with our kids.

Our children are human beings that deserve respect, and not to be protected from life, or death. We are extremely fortunate to have had such little tragedy in our lives so far (our kids ACES scores are lower than ours!), but we have always had an open dialogue about everything from death and dying to sex and our reproductive systems. We talk about dark, sad and difficult things like drug addiction, war, and cancer as well as inspiring and exciting things like new projects to help reverse some of our damage to the natural world. We answer their questions and tell them the truth as we understand it when there’s not a simple answer. I think this communication style is a big part of the reason our kids still talk to us about their lives. I’m certain that having this with my own mom is the only reason I felt safe to call her to come pick me up from a high school party where there was drinking.

All of these choices have contributed to a home in which talking about academic topics is the norm at home. Yesterday I overheard my kids discussing some of their favorite novels and some of the unresolved plot lines and inconsistencies in many fictional stories, especially science fiction. The night before my kids were discussing pi and why it is an irrational number.

I hope you found this information useful in your own parenting journey!

March 12, 2018March 12, 2018

I’m Back! Here’s What I’ve Been Up To (Starting a Montessori charter school)

It’s been YEARS since I’ve actively blogged and you might have been wondering why you haven’t gotten any posts from Awake Parent for a while.

After my miscarriage I did get pregnant again and while I was pregnant, my husband’s office manager at his Chiropractic office left. He had wanted us to work together for years and I had resisted, since I loved working from home so much. But in 2013, I agreed to become the new Business Manager at Heartstone Family Chiropractic.

Now I know more than I ever wanted to know about medical insurance billing

It was a bit of learning curve, but I figured it all out and then in 2014, our son was born! Our daughter was absolutely thriving in her Montessori preschool but there were ZERO Montessori elementary programs available in Bend, OR. Even if there had been a private option for Montessori elementary, I concluded that it would cost us over $100,000 to send both of our kids through Montessori preschool and elementary. With free (yes I do pay my taxes) public school as an option, it just didn’t make sense to pay so much for elementary school when we really should be saving for college.

So, some friends and I decided to start a tuition free, publicly funded Montessori charter school! We formed the entity “Desert Sky Montessori” in the fall of 2014 and got to work on the application to our local school district. I’ll write more about this process in future posts, but needless to say, it took a lot longer and the process was far more involved that I originally anticipated. It took us three separate applications, a bunch of fundraising, three years, and many many volunteer hours to reach our goal.

I was the Desert Sky Montessori Board President for the entire process of our start up. So last year at this time I was frantically looking for space for our newly approved school. After more than three years of volunteer work, on my 40th birthday, I finally found out that my daughter would have a guaranteed spot in the school! We also received a $100,000 Planning grant from the Oregon Department of Education.

Our contract with our school district said that we had to sign a lease on a space by May 1st in order to open our doors in the fall of 2017. Also, none of the grant funds we had received could be used on facilities. Miracles ensued and I signed the lease on April 28th. I was so happy and relieved that we had finally found a space! Now we just had to remodel it, hire teachers, purchase furniture and materials, and get ready to welcome our students.

I started the first tuition free Montessori charter school in Central Oregon!!!

In September of 2017 we opened our school to over 100 students and my daughter began 2nd grade in her lower elementary (1st-3rd grade) classroom. Here’s a photo of my daughter and a few of her classmates after a recent small group lesson on polygons.

Montessori polygon lesson — Montessori charter school lower elementary polygon lesson

So I guess my point is that I’ve been a bit busy while I’ve been away! But now I’m ready to come back, share even more information about conscious parenting, child development, Montessori, and my own parenting journey. But here’s the thing, my blog is going to be a bit different from now on and I wanted to give you a heads up.

No more Origami, this is me, deal with it

I turned 40 last March and there was something extremely powerful about turning 40 years old and opening a charter school that has changed me in some fundamental ways. In the past I cared a whole lot about pleasing others and making sure people like me. But when I turned 40 I found that I no longer cared as much about folding myself into Origami shapes just to please someone else. I felt more boldly myself. I didn’t need to modify my language or behavior to ensure that others felt comfortable.

So you can expect my future blogs to be more raw and real. There will likely be some cursing. I’ve learned a lot from parenting two kids, instead of just one, and from trying things that worked with #1 that absolutely flopped with #2. I’m definitely more bold but also less judgmental of others. I’ve found my grit too, so little challenges just don’t throw me off as much as they used to. I’m persistent and determined to do the things that really matter to me, and I don’t care as much about the rest.

There will be advertising

The other change you’ll notice is that I will begin some advertising on my site. I will only advertise products that I believe in or personally recommend. I may get some commissions (I hope!). And I will definitely be adding some information about one of my new loves, Young Living essential oils and products.

I understand that some folks will be upset by these changes, and that’s OK. If you’re irritated by my advertising or annoyed at how much I love Montessori education or my MLM essential oils, you’re welcome to unsubscribe. But I sure do hope you’ll stick around because I have so much great information, advice, and tons of personal stories to share with you! I’ve missed writing regularly and I’m very excited to get back to it!

I’m also considering recording some video blogs and doing some online classes. My coaching practice is reviving too. If these are things you’re interested in, please let me know. And as always, if there’s a particular topic you’re hoping I’ll write about, please share! I love to address specific issues that are happening right now. Thanks for being here and I’m excited about what’s next!

January 7, 2014

My 10 Most Popular Posts of 2013

Wow, 2013 was quite a year, wasn’t it? I started working as the office manager at my husband’s chiropractic office, continued coaching, spoke at a conference, and suffered a missed miscarriage. I also got my first tattoo and got pregnant again!

Our daughter Julia started preschool at River Song School, a wonderful non-profit Montessori school here in Bend, OR. And ever since she started school, it seems like she, my husband and I have been fighting off one cold or illness after another.

Through it all, I’ve done my best to keep writing and connecting with other like-minded parents, like you. This year on my blog I’ve had the most page views, shares, and newsletter sign ups ever! So thank you so much for being here and supporting my work and my passion. And may 2014 be our healthiest and happiest year yet.

These were the top 10 most popular posts of 2013: read more

October 24, 2012

My Top 12 Resources for New Parents

I just found out that a good friend of mine is pregnant. Well, technically his wife is pregnant. But as soon as I found out I immediately wanted to create a list of resources for them so that they wouldn’t have to go through the heaps of conflicting and confusing information out there (unless they really want to).

I know my friend and I are aligned on many topics, but within about five minutes of talking with him it was clear that he was about to embark on a whole new world (parenting) that he has never really researched before.

So, here’s my list of the top twelve resources I recommend for new parents. I used these all myself and include an explanation about why I trust the resource or what I like about it.

Here goes:

1) Baby Center’s Pregnancy Calendar: Although Baby Center is a pretty mainstream resource and includes some information that isn’t completely aligned with my attachment parenting and natural lifestyle I still really enjoyed the pregnancy calendar. I could go there and see how my baby was developing week by week and read about the miracle that was happening inside my body. Fun fun fun!!!

On a not so fun note, Baby Center also has a miscarriage support group. Miscarriage happens more often than is generally believed and women who experience it need to seek immediate support from friends, family, counselors, and support groups. If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, please don’t go through it alone. Reaching out for support can be hard, but it’s crucial to the healing process.

2) Movie: The Business of Being Born Although this film was somewhat disturbing to watch, I think it’s important to realize how and why birth in hospital has become the norm in America and to recognize that there are other choices out there. And if you do choose a hospital birth, I hope you’ll know your rights so that you aren’t forced into any procedures or medications you don’t actually want. This one is an eye opener for sure.

3) Birthing class: Hypnobabies I loved my hypnobabies class SO MUCH and it really helped me with the pregnancy and first two stages of birth. The affirmations were incredibly uplifting and the daily practice of self-hypnosis is a wonderful way to unwind and relax. I still use some of the techniques I learned in this class! And even if Hypnobabies isn’t for you, definitely take a class about birth. You’ll be glad you did.

4) Consider hiring a midwife and/or doula. If you’re planning a homebirth I highly recommend hiring both a midwife and a doula. And even if you plan to birth at the hospital, a doula is a must. A doula’s entire job is to be there for emotional support for the birthing mother. This has multiple benefits from decreasing pressure on dad to helping mama remember what procedures and medications she does and doesn’t want. I would not want to birth without this crucial support.

5) La Leche League is a wonderful organization committed to helping women breastfeed successfully for as long as they wish. There are local groups all over the place and they’re mother led (no “expert” telling you what you’re doing wrong). I found the group meetings very encouraging and connecting and my local leader was available by phone to personally answer all my questions. Do beware, this organization is all about breastfeeding, so conversations about using formula might not go over so well.

6) I also HIGHLY recommend Kelly Mom dot com for really great research based information about breastfeeding. I was on Kelly Mom all the time in the first few months of breastfeeding and continue to use it as my #1 resource for all things breastfeeding related.

7) If you’re having a boy, you’ll have to decide whether or not to circumcise him. I sincerely hope you’ll chose to leave him intact. Here’s some information about why: http://www.intactamerica.org/learnmore and if you do leave him intact, you’ll need to know how to properly care for an intact penis so definitely check out this article about the importance of NOT retracting the foreskin.

8) Even before your baby is born you’ll have to decide whether you want to follow the recommended schedule for vaccinations (since they’ll offer you the Hep B vaccine at birth). I found Dr. Sears’ book on the subject “The Vaccine Book” incredibly informative and well balanced.

9) Dr. Harvey Karp has developed a theory about the missing 4th trimester that really makes sense to me. And his techniques for calming fussy babies really work. While I don’t recommend calming your baby using these techniques all the time (babies do need to express their feelings just like the rest of us), there are times when I think Karp’s 5 S’s were the difference between peace and rest and hours of purple crying for us. I read the book and watched the DVD but I think viewing the DVD once or twice will give you all you’ll need to use these techniques when you know your little one is needing help to relax and rest. Oh, and our local library had it, so see if you can check it out before you run out and buy it.

10) Although I know she’ll cringe when she sees that I’ve recommended her right after the above, Janet Lansbury is a fierce advocate for infants and toddlers. She shares practical information about how you can be there for your child without interrupting or overpowering their innate desire to learn and grow naturally. And after reading her articles you’ll be left with a greater respect and awe of infants than you ever thought you’d have. And you might also realize that parenting an infant doesn’t have to be as all consuming as popular culture would have you believe.

11) Dr. Laura Markham is a wonderful resource for parents. She supports parents in using respectful and developmentally appropriate responses to the challenges of parenting young children. Every time I read her stuff I’m left thinking, “yes, yes, and yes.”

12) And lastly, Hand in Hand Parenting is one of my greatest inspirations. When I first witnessed a friend holding space for her child to feel his big feelings I was left speechless. Recognizing that tantrums are a cry for connection has completely shifted how I respond to my own daughter when she freaks out. And I think this work has also deepened my own commitment to feeling and expressing my feelings, no matter how unpopular they might be.

OK, so there you have it. These are my top 12 resources for new parents. I just realized I didn’t include any books, so I’ll have to do another post on my recommended parenting books another time! I hope you’re all having a great week and I would love it if you’d add any important resources I’ve forgotten to the comments. Thanks!

Love, Shelly