More Compassion for Other Moms

September 14, 2011March 8, 2012

Playing with power

Well, it has happened. My sweet baby is already becoming a willful toddler. The past week or so has been filled with frustrating moments for her and for anyone near her. She has begun to whine. She is clinging to us like she thinks we’ll disappear if we’re out of her sight. And of course, she’s also starting to walk.

Learning to walk and talk are HUGE developmental milestones for a baby and with the new development comes an equally big emotional response. Tears and frustration abound as we humans learn new skills and reach new levels of development. And it’s not just babies who experience the emotional ride of learning new skills. Children and adults of all ages have the same big feelings. When we reach a goal, there’s often a big emotional high and an accompanying let down. read more

August 3, 2011March 14, 2012

Why rough housing is good for kids

I get a lot of questions from concerned parents about rough housing, wrestling, and other physical play. Dads want to know if it’s OK to wrestle with their kids, and moms are concerned that somebody will inevitably get hurt. Often it seems that physical play of this sort does end with the younger or smaller child in tears. But as I was doing research for my thesis in 2007 I ran across some studies that changed my mind about so called “rough housing.”

One study in particular stands out in my mind. It was conducted on a playground where researchers observed boys playing a tackling game. Researchers thought that they would find the game to be violent and detrimental to kids, but they actually found just the opposite. They observed that in playing this seemingly violent game, rarely did anyone get hurt, and when someone did get hurt, the other boys reacted with caring and compassion toward their fallen playmate. read more

July 13, 2011March 19, 2012

It’s OK to cry

“Dagny III” by Christee Cook

Have you ever noticed that when a child cries, often the first things out of our mouths are things like, “You’re OK” (minimizing their experience) or “Oh no! Don’t cry!” (asking them to deny their experience) or even, “What’s wrong?!” (asking them to think about and describe the upsetting event).

None of these acknowledge the child’s feelings or provide an open, loving environment in which a child can fully feel and express his emotions. I know, it’s an unconscious reaction we have all had at one time or another, but this week it’s time to shine the light of awareness on the way we speak to an upset child. read more

May 12, 2011March 19, 2012

Attune to your child…some of the time

Attunement: it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot in the world of parenting and psychology, but what does attunement really mean? Attunement is an innate ability that almost all humans have to internally and externally match the experience of another person with whom they’re connecting. When we see someone crying, we easily and naturally feel sadness ourselves. When we are with someone who just found out that they won a big contest, we feel excitement too.

But attunement is not simply empathy for another person’s emotional experience. It’s an energetic matching game. We may feel the sadness, but we’re not really attuning unless we’re matching the physical and non-physical energy of the person we’re with. Attunement is the ultimate connection. It’s a joining and sharing of an experience, an experience of oneness. read more