Want a Kid Who Loves Math? Five Things NOT to Do and What to Do Instead

Do you want to raise a kid who loves math? Here are my top tips to produce the results you’re wanting.

1. I did NOT pressure my kids to do math or to excel in math

Instead, we played all sorts of strategic games like checkers, connect 4, chess, Pente and the like. These games build executive functioning skills like planning ahead, waiting patiently, adjusting to unexpected challenges when opponents move, and ultimately, problem solving skills. Spending time in our cerebral cortex practicing these skills in a low stakes game is much more effective, and more fun than trying to learn all of this on the fly as we move through our unpredictable lives.

2. I did not drill them or force them to memorize facts.

Instead, I sent them to Montessori preschools, and implemented Montessori learning concepts at home. Later I helped found a public Montessori elementary charter school so that they and others could experience the beauty of a Montessori elementary program. We emphasize hands on materials for mathematical understanding. Beginning with counting and ordering objects by size in preschool and kindergarten, we move on to understanding place value, operations, fractions, time, and money work all with manipulatives for concrete understanding. Once that understanding is demonstrated through practice with the material, and then we move to more and more abstract materials and very large numbers, typically introducing the concept of one million in 2nd or 3rd grade. Students are moved to paper and pencil operations as they become proficient in the mathematical skills.

3. I did not expect them to love everything I love.

I did imagine that my daughter would love to ride her bike, but she prefers running. I thought my son might enjoy climbing, but he loves mountain biking, and soccer. I learned quickly that wanting a child to enjoy something they don’t is a fruitless effort. Instead, I learned to follow my child’s interests, and to nurture in them their own sparks of curiosity. I certainly never expected either of them to have the love and aptitude for mathematics that they both share. My husband and I are more science nerds than math geeks, but we’ve never shied away from sharing our own scientific interests and curiosity with our kids. Now that they are 10 and 14, we can discuss topics in a new and in-depth way that allows us to see into our children’s thought processes.

4. I did not tell them how important math is.

Instead, I showed them everyday applications for math by asking them to help me figure out how long it would take us to do all the tasks on a list or calculate how much longer until the library opened. I allowed opportunities for fun facts about math or life driven applications of math to genuinely interest me and I allowed them to join me in that interest, or not. I often spoke my own process out loud and as my children learned and grew, we could talk with each other about how we each took different mathematical routes to get to the same result. Discussing mathematical concepts that are interesting is a great way to get kids to love math.

It was helpful that I knew that names of the Montessori math materials at school because I could say things like. “You know the multiplication bead board? I think we could use that to solve this problem. Multiplication is sets of numbers, remember?” And my kids would instantly respond, “Oh yeah! Like 4×2 is 4 twos or 2 fours.” It’s quite remarkable how much math we use in our lives. We use math for baking, accounting, construction projects, hanging art, scheduling appointments, staying within a budget, and so much more. Now my daughter loves to bake, so she loves math even more!

5. We do not have off limits topics with our kids.

Our children are human beings that deserve respect, and not to be protected from life, or death. We are extremely fortunate to have had such little tragedy in our lives so far (our kids ACES scores are lower than ours!), but we have always had an open dialogue about everything from death and dying to sex and our reproductive systems. We talk about dark, sad and difficult things like drug addiction, war, and cancer as well as inspiring and exciting things like new projects to help reverse some of our damage to the natural world. We answer their questions and tell them the truth as we understand it when there’s not a simple answer. I think this communication style is a big part of the reason our kids still talk to us about their lives. I’m certain that having this with my own mom is the only reason I felt safe to call her to come pick me up from a high school party where there was drinking.

All of these choices have contributed to a home in which talking about academic topics is the norm at home. Yesterday I overheard my kids discussing some of their favorite novels and some of the unresolved plot lines and inconsistencies in many fictional stories, especially science fiction. The night before my kids were discussing pi and why it is an irrational number.

I hope you found this information useful in your own parenting journey!

February 3, 2015February 3, 2015

Pre-parenting 101 Agile Parent Podcast!

Hey there! I recently had a lovely conversation/interview with John and Jahaira about their plans to get pregnant and become parents. We talked about early childhood development, sustaining a nurturing relationship with a partner before baby arrives, parent/child dynamics, mindset, and cultivating critical thinking in very young children. Also, we had fun and discussed how we might handle it if we were to see a child being spanked in a public place. Their podcast will be ongoing, so I hope you’ll check it out!

You can listen on itunes here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/pre-parenting-101-shelly-birger/id952485811?i=334079282&mt=2

or on Sound Cloud here:

https://soundcloud.com/agileparents/pre-parenting-101-with-shelly-birger-phillips

Or you can go directly to John and Jahaira’s website and listen here:

http://www.agileparents.com/1/

Have a great week! Warmly, Shelly

December 3, 2013November 13, 2017

4 Secrets to Mindful Giving During the Holidays

Guest Post by Megan deBoer

As parents, we are often filled with conflicting desires during the holidays: we want to satisfy our children’s wishes, we want to make the holiday magical, we want to create our own family traditions all without causing financial stress and unwelcome credit card bills. And so we try to plan…

Yet despite our best planning, there can come a moment during the whirlwind and heightened emotions of the holiday season when we find ourselves making impulsive, reactive, and unconscious spending choices. We can be swept up in the mood, the beautiful display, the “deal!” and the hectic pace of it all. It is easy to loose our bearings.

I have found that in moments like these I need some grounding.

To ensure that you are making mindful choices, run the following assessment when considering the purchase of a gift. If the questions cannot be answered on the spot, it is important to pause, put the item on hold, possibly leave the store, and give yourself the time – and space – to come to a decision that feels right. You haven’t said no yet, you are simply exploring a new process of mindful spending!

Assessing a mindful GIFT

GENEROUS–

Is this gift =&2=& in spirit? Thoughtful giving is a true art. The amount spent does not reflect your generosity by itself. Young children are easily delighted with something that engages their imagination. Our adult value scale does not apply.

INTENTION–

What is my =&4=& in giving this gift?

Is this something I always wanted as a child but never received?

Am I worried that if my child doesn’t receive X that they could experience disappointment? Is that uncomfortable for me to imagine? Will I experience disappointment if I cannot give this to my child?

Is it uncomfortable for me to compare my gift to what others will be giving? To what their friends will receive? To what I have given in the past?

Am I afraid that what I have already gotten won’t be ‘enough’?

Will this gift satisfy a long awaited wish for my child?

Will this gift inspire my child – who they are right now – and add joy to their life?

July 11, 2013July 23, 2013

7 Destructive Parenting Myths

As a parent coach, I hear all sorts of thoughts and ideas that just don’t hold up to the current research on child-development and attachment, but some of these myths have been handed down from generation to generation for so long that we can forget to question them. Here are the 7 parenting myths that bother me the most:

1. Kids Can’t Be Trusted

In my work as a preschool teacher, I’ve worked with hundreds of children and I’ve never met a child who wasn’t trustworthy. Children will rise to our expectations of them and I’ve noticed that when I expect them to follow through on their commitments and do what they say they will, I get excellent results.

If you’ve been thinking that your child isn’t trustworthy, ask yourself how you can support the innate trustworthiness inside every child. You could try making it easier for your child to keep his commitments by setting up systems that remind and help, instead of blaming or shaming him when he makes a mistake. After all, everybody makes mistakes, it’s a huge part of learning!

2. Discipline Equals Punishment

I sure wish these two words weren’t as conflated as they are in our culture. Punishing children is both inappropriate and ineffective. Discipline on the other hand is absolutely essential. Self-control, self-discipline, and self-determination are the result of appropriate and compassionate discipline.

Discipline means setting clear boundaries, and being flexible within those boundaries. It does not need to include threatening, coercing or constantly forcing our will upon our kids. And it certainly doesn’t require overt or covert physical or emotional punishments.

Yes, time-out and counting to three can be used as punishment. The tone of your voice and the energy you’re projecting can make a huge impact on how your communication will be received. I’ve seen moms use innocuous phrases to threaten and just the other day I realized that something I said to my daughter could have been a threat if I’d used a different tone.

I think that mutual respect is the key to effective discipline. So this week, check in with yourself about the kind of energy your projecting and do your best to express your highest intentions, rather than getting stuck in the muck of using threats, coercion and punishment to get kids to do what you want.

3. Breastfeeding is Embarrassing

Breastfeeding is one of the most important and beautiful gifts we can give to our infants, if we’re able. It is not embarrassing or sexual in any way to nurse a baby or toddler. Breastfeeding is without a doubt the best nourishment for babies. It also provides the bonding and comfort that infants need in order to develop healthy relationships and emotion regulation skills. How is any of that offensive? Yes, breasts are involved. In fact, news flash: breastfeeding is the PRIMARY FUNCTION of breasts.

Sure you can try to use a cover, but my daughter would never accept a cover, she found it far too distracting. Yes you can try to nurse at home, but sometimes your baby will be hungry when you’re not at home. Yes, cars are more private, but less comfortable, and there were times when I nursed in a car that I felt like I was hiding. I think it’s time to normalize breastfeeding again. Surely an all natural food source should not be denied to our children because other people are uncomfortable with the sight of a breast.

4. Co-sleeping Means No More Sex

Without getting too graphic, let me just say that I have co-slept with my daughter for the past three years and my husband and I are having the best sex of our marriage. And no, we DO NOT have sex in the bed when our daughter is there.

Instead, I’ve co-slept with her in HER bed and we’ve reserved our bed for adult time, except for the occasional morning family snuggle. There are lots of ways to arrange co-sleeping. None of them need to involve sex in bed with a child present and all of them allow for lots of fun sexy adult time in places other than where your child is sleeping.

5. It’s Inappropriate to Show Emotion In Front of Kids read more

April 24, 2013April 24, 2013

Guest Post: Finding Contentment in the Midst of Chaos

Guest Post by Heather Chauvin

I used to believe that parenting was this ‘life sucking’ transition where you no longer can do anything for yourself and only give give give.

That parenting model wasn’t working for me.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into but I knew something needed to change.

The scariest part of it all was, “how do I change?”

It was about 4 years ago when I was introduced to the concept of ‘mindfulness’. I’m not talking about going to yoga everyday or sitting on a cushion meditating for an hour in the morning. I’m talking about mindfulness as a lifestyle. Becoming aware of HOW my personal beliefs affected my thoughts, actions and my reality. read more