Category: Creating connection

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The dangers of praise

Although we tend to think of praise as beneficial to kids, recent research has shown that certain kinds of praise are actually detrimental to young people.  When we tell kids they’re “good” the unintended effects are that children begin to fear being seen as “bad”.

Personally, I think all kids are good all the time.  They’re just easier or more difficult for us to deal with based on their behavior, but that doesn’t make them “bad”, just more challenging for us.  But if we tell kids they’re good or talented or smart, the surprising consequence is that they tend to freeze up and become afraid of being seen as bad or un-talented or stupid. read more

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The magic question

Are you wanting more ease and cooperation from your kids this week?  I have a magic question that will get you exactly that.  One great thing about this question is that it also works well with other adults.   Another wonder of this magic question is that when people ask you this question you feel honored, cared for, and free to say yes or no.

This question empowers you and your loved ones to communicate openly, honestly, and freely.  It can even help you learn more about your children and their motivations.  OK, are you ready for it?  The magic question is, “Would you be willing to ____?”  Variations on this question might be “Would you?” “Could you?” or “Will you please?” read more

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Happiness is contagious

We are all inexplicably connected to one another by virtue of our deeply social nature as humans.  But recently, studies have shown exactly how those connections can actually affect our well-being.  This week I saw a show called “This Emotional Life” on Oregon Public Broadcasting (OPB).  The highlight of this particular episode was the fact that happiness is contagious.

You’re probably wondering how they know that, right?  Well, researchers created a hugely complex map of the interactions between specific people and those they’re connected with.  It was a jumble of names and arrows of different colors indicating the types of relationships.  Some people were related, others were friends or co-workers. read more

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Three ways to stop yelling and still be heard

Although we’re all aware, caring, conscious parents, you know as well as I do that there are times when we lose control and we find ourselves saying the very words we swore we’d never say to our kids. I’m sure there have even been times when you *gasp* yelled at your kids. So, what can you do instead of yelling when you want to be heard and your little ones seem completely oblivious to your existence? I’ve got three great strategies, new things you can do in moments when you’re about to yell or scream. So, try these and let me know how it goes! read more

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Guest Blog: Family mediation- the power of the “third side”

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This week’s guest blog is from Jill:

Sometimes we think fighting is just “what kids (or adults) do,” rather than a way we engage when our needs aren’t getting met. I prefer to think of engaging peacefully as “what we do,” and that when we get off track, we can use a hand to get back to a place of connection.

I remember when my son was about three, his dad was in a bread-making phase. Sometimes I liked the results, and sometimes I didn’t. While at the local farmer’s market, my son and I found a particularly yummy loaf of walnut bread, and brought it home discreetly. When his dad saw it, he became incredulous. read more

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