Author: Shelly

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Autonomy is the holy grail of childhood

In my work with young people there are some needs that come up again and again.  The need for play is a great example.  Kids need lots and lots more play than we need and they let us know about their need in ways that are sometimes difficult for us.

But the unmet need that I notice most in young children is the need for autonomy.  Children desperately need to be able to do things on their own and to choose their own path and luckily for you, there are simple things you can do around the house to support your child’s autonomy. read more

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Focus on the process, not the product

As many of you know, for the five years after college I was a preschool teacher in Montessori classrooms.  I was very intrigued my Maria Montessori and her methods, but what struck me most was her philosophy.  There are quite a few key Montessori philosophies that I subscribe to, but today I want to share one that’s near and dear to my heart.  Montessori said, “It’s the process, not the product.”

What she meant is that for young people, it’s the process of learning that is to be enjoyed and savored.  Too often we put the emphasis on our kid’s paintings, drawings, or little cut out shapes, but we forget that it’s the experience of painting, drawing, and cutting that matter most to our child’s development. read more

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The dangers of praise

Although we tend to think of praise as beneficial to kids, recent research has shown that certain kinds of praise are actually detrimental to young people.  When we tell kids they’re “good” the unintended effects are that children begin to fear being seen as “bad”.

Personally, I think all kids are good all the time.  They’re just easier or more difficult for us to deal with based on their behavior, but that doesn’t make them “bad”, just more challenging for us.  But if we tell kids they’re good or talented or smart, the surprising consequence is that they tend to freeze up and become afraid of being seen as bad or un-talented or stupid. read more

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Busy bodies

One afternoon when I was about six or seven I saw my mom sitting in the living room staring off into space.  “Wacha doin’?” I asked.  “Nothing.” She replied calmly.  “Nothing?!” I thought, NOTHING??!!!  How could someone not be doing a thing?  That was impossible.  Hmmm.”  As I looked at her she seemed peaceful and happy and whole, so I figured that maybe, just maybe, not doing anything was an all right thing to do.

The older I get, the more I try to be like my mom in that moment.  Not the checked out staring off into nothingness part (although that’s kinda nice sometimes), but the part of her that is able just to sit, and contemplate life, and enjoy the present moment.  The more years I get under my belt, the more I appreciate just being.  And the less I think that it’s the “doing” that will define me in other people’s minds (or in their memory of me once I’m gone).  Not that doing is a bad thing; in fact I quite like doing things.  But remembering just to be; And to be peaceful and joyful as I go about my daily life. read more

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Holiday family time

Ahh, the joys of the holidays, we get to travel far distances and celebrate with people we may or may not like very much, all in the name of family togetherness.  Luckily for me, I adore pretty much everyone in my family, but I know that’s not the case for everyone.  And even though I love my family, the stresses of traveling with a baby are not something I’m looking forward to.

I’ve heard from my clients that the holidays are often more stressful than fun and tend to disrupt children’s routines and rhythms, making it difficult to get back into the groove once they return home.  I’m not sure what there is to do about that except to try your best to stick to the routine as much as possible even when you’re in a different time zone. read more

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