Want a Kid Who Loves Math? Five Things NOT to Do and What to Do Instead

Do you want to raise a kid who loves math? Here are my top tips to produce the results you’re wanting.

1. I did NOT pressure my kids to do math or to excel in math

Instead, we played all sorts of strategic games like checkers, connect 4, chess, Pente and the like. These games build executive functioning skills like planning ahead, waiting patiently, adjusting to unexpected challenges when opponents move, and ultimately, problem solving skills. Spending time in our cerebral cortex practicing these skills in a low stakes game is much more effective, and more fun than trying to learn all of this on the fly as we move through our unpredictable lives.

2. I did not drill them or force them to memorize facts.

Instead, I sent them to Montessori preschools, and implemented Montessori learning concepts at home. Later I helped found a public Montessori elementary charter school so that they and others could experience the beauty of a Montessori elementary program. We emphasize hands on materials for mathematical understanding. Beginning with counting and ordering objects by size in preschool and kindergarten, we move on to understanding place value, operations, fractions, time, and money work all with manipulatives for concrete understanding. Once that understanding is demonstrated through practice with the material, and then we move to more and more abstract materials and very large numbers, typically introducing the concept of one million in 2nd or 3rd grade. Students are moved to paper and pencil operations as they become proficient in the mathematical skills.

3. I did not expect them to love everything I love.

I did imagine that my daughter would love to ride her bike, but she prefers running. I thought my son might enjoy climbing, but he loves mountain biking, and soccer. I learned quickly that wanting a child to enjoy something they don’t is a fruitless effort. Instead, I learned to follow my child’s interests, and to nurture in them their own sparks of curiosity. I certainly never expected either of them to have the love and aptitude for mathematics that they both share. My husband and I are more science nerds than math geeks, but we’ve never shied away from sharing our own scientific interests and curiosity with our kids. Now that they are 10 and 14, we can discuss topics in a new and in-depth way that allows us to see into our children’s thought processes.

4. I did not tell them how important math is.

Instead, I showed them everyday applications for math by asking them to help me figure out how long it would take us to do all the tasks on a list or calculate how much longer until the library opened. I allowed opportunities for fun facts about math or life driven applications of math to genuinely interest me and I allowed them to join me in that interest, or not. I often spoke my own process out loud and as my children learned and grew, we could talk with each other about how we each took different mathematical routes to get to the same result. Discussing mathematical concepts that are interesting is a great way to get kids to love math.

It was helpful that I knew that names of the Montessori math materials at school because I could say things like. “You know the multiplication bead board? I think we could use that to solve this problem. Multiplication is sets of numbers, remember?” And my kids would instantly respond, “Oh yeah! Like 4×2 is 4 twos or 2 fours.” It’s quite remarkable how much math we use in our lives. We use math for baking, accounting, construction projects, hanging art, scheduling appointments, staying within a budget, and so much more. Now my daughter loves to bake, so she loves math even more!

5. We do not have off limits topics with our kids.

Our children are human beings that deserve respect, and not to be protected from life, or death. We are extremely fortunate to have had such little tragedy in our lives so far (our kids ACES scores are lower than ours!), but we have always had an open dialogue about everything from death and dying to sex and our reproductive systems. We talk about dark, sad and difficult things like drug addiction, war, and cancer as well as inspiring and exciting things like new projects to help reverse some of our damage to the natural world. We answer their questions and tell them the truth as we understand it when there’s not a simple answer. I think this communication style is a big part of the reason our kids still talk to us about their lives. I’m certain that having this with my own mom is the only reason I felt safe to call her to come pick me up from a high school party where there was drinking.

All of these choices have contributed to a home in which talking about academic topics is the norm at home. Yesterday I overheard my kids discussing some of their favorite novels and some of the unresolved plot lines and inconsistencies in many fictional stories, especially science fiction. The night before my kids were discussing pi and why it is an irrational number.

I hope you found this information useful in your own parenting journey!

May 9, 2018August 19, 2018

Why I Started A Montessori Charter School

When I moved to Bend, Oregon I was surprised to learn that while there were several thriving Montessori preschool programs, there were no Montessori elementary programs at all! As a former assistant teacher in a Montessori lower elementary class (1st-3rd grade) I knew that the freedom to move about the classroom and to focus on areas of interest were crucial to support deep learning. I witnessed students diving deeply into their interests and I saw the head teacher use student interests to draw them in to other subjects. Overall I just loved the sense of freedom and responsibility that the students experience in a Montessori elementary classroom. And the work they produced was impressive and often far above grade level.

So, when my daughter entered preschool and was thriving in a Montessori program, I knew that I would want her to continue in Montessori. It’s exceptionally important to me that she be treated as a whole human being and that she continue to develop her emotion regulation, conflict resolution, and other “soft skills” along with her academic work.

Educating the whole child

One of the things I love about Montessori is that the teacher is not focused on how much information he or she can present to my child, rather, Montessori teachers are focused on helping my child develop her internal motivation to learn and grow and take responsibility for her own learning. This attitude, along with the meticulously designed materials which captivate a child’s interest, encourages exploration and provides opportunities to learn a wide variety of information and practical life skills.

I knew I couldn’t afford to pay tuition all the way through middle school and I had heard that a few of the Montessori preschools had tried to get a tuition based elementary program off the ground, but they had trouble retaining older students since our public schools in Bend are so good. So some friends and I decided that a public, tuition free Montessori charter school would best serve our community and our own kids.

Montessori in the public sector

After having worked in several private Montessori schools, one thing I noticed was that while the Montessori method was initially developed to help low income and mentally challenged students, it is now most accessible to families with the means to pay tuition. I was saddened to learn that the very students Maria Montessori most wanted to help were missing out on her incredible teaching methods, mostly because the materials are expensive and public Montessori schools are still burgeoning in the US. I was happy to learn that many of the public schools in France are Montessori schools!

The process of starting a charter school was not as easy as I had anticipated! It took us several rounds of denials before we were finally approved by our local school board to open a Montessori charter school. Luckily, with the help of many volunteers and the receipt of the Oregon Department of Education’s Planning grant, we were finally able to open our doors in the fall of 2017!

Other options just aren’t Montessori

During my daughter’s first grade year, we were forced to try a public magnet school since there were no Montessori options. We chose a school with a democratic philosophy, mixed ages, and some freedom to work outside of grade level. But because it was not a Montessori school, my daughter found it loud, chaotic, and she chaffed at her lack of freedom to explore her interests. She often complained that they didn’t give her enough time to read and that she was forced to do what everyone else was doing. I also didn’t like hearing about frequent screen time (mostly educational) and she came home with candy as a reward on quite a few occasions.

Growth mindset and intrinsic motivation

In a Montessori classroom, we’re focused on developing the internal motivation of the student, so letter grades, rewards, and frequent external praise are not used. Instead, we expect a child to gain a sense of accomplishment by working hard and completing a large project and we all listen as they present their research findings to the class during circle time. This gives students the opportunity to practice their public speaking skills as they share what they’ve learned with their classmates.

I could go on and on about all of the wonderful benefits of a Montessori elementary education, but for now I’ll just share that the perseverance and grit that was required to get this school off the ground has forever changed me. I will never again shy away from a large project because it seems too big, takes too long, or because we’ve hit a roadblock. If there’s one lesson my daughter and I have both learned through this process, it’s that when you’re determined to create something, you can absolutely succeed as long as you don’t quit, find helpers, and keep moving forward no matter what obstacles you encounter. Our Montessori charter school is now serving over 100 students and with plans to grow every year, I know that this school is already making a big difference in the world. So, if there’s something you’re passionate about creating, don’t shy away from your dreams, go out there and create it! You’ll be so glad you did.

This article was also published in the Rebel Priestess Magazine

May 3, 2018May 3, 2018

The Secret to Drastically Reducing Infant Falls

During early infancy, babies pretty much stay where you put them. My mom refers to this stage of development as the happy paperweight stage. But once babies are a few months old, they begin to move. Some infants are rolling over and scooting as early as 4 months!

Don’t fret if your baby doesn’t roll over or sit up exactly on “schedule,” every baby develops at a different rate. But once your little one does begin to move around, falls can be a big hazard.

Avoiding some falls is fairly easy, just put your baby on the floor! But at other times you might be on a low bed, couch, or in another location and it’s a good idea to develop healthy and safe habits as early as possible.

Obviously when babies reach this stage of development it is no longer safe to leave them unstrapped on the changing table and walk away or even to leave them in the middle of a large high bed. The floor is the safest place for a baby who is learning to move, scoot, and crawl.

You do also need to do some baby proofing pronto. Cover outlets (electrocution hazards), remove cords and strings (strangulation hazards), add gates to stairways, and anchor furniture to the wall.

But if you want to reduce accidental falls, show your infant daily how to maneuver off of a low bed or couch safely, and they will learn to do it themselves fairly quickly. With enough repetition, getting down safely becomes second nature.

Before I share my “secret” let’s review some infant development research. Studies have shown that new crawlers are actually quite careful not to fall. Babies who were new crawlers participated in a study in which they were encouraged by their mothers to crawl across a plexi-glass surface that had a checkerboard pattern underneath it.

When the checkerboard pattern was directly beneath the plexiglass, babies happily crawled across to their mothers. However, if the checkerboard pattern was placed 3 feet below the plexiglass, babies perceived the drop off and refused to crawl across, even though it was completely safe to do so. Even when encouraged by their mothers that it was safe to cross, nearly 100% of infants refused to crawl across the perceived abyss. I share this study to remind us all that babies do have a survival instinct and even though we think of them as completely impulsive, they really don’t want to fall on their heads.

OK, here’s the “secret” key phrase (and action) to reducing falls:

FEET FIRST

Let’s say you’re hanging out with your baby on the couch when it becomes obvious that she’s interested in a toy across the room. She reaches for the toy and in your mind’s eye you imagine her tumbling headlong off the couch after the toy, banging her head along the way. At this point, gently hold your baby’s arm or leg and say, “Feet first.” And then help her turn around and maneuver so that her feet hang down first and she can scoot off the couch feet first, facing the couch. This is always the safest way for a baby to descend.

When your baby is young, you can physically guide him safely all the way down to the floor and as he develops more strength, you can intervene less and less. But it’s very important to repeat the phrase, “Feet first,” each and every time.

If you do this consistently, you’ll have a crawler and toddler that confidently knows how to safely descend from stairs, beds, couches, and the like and you’ll be able to relax into the knowledge that he knows exactly how to get down, FEET FIRST!

My husband and I both used this technique with each of our children and I honestly cannot think of a single time that our kids fell off of anything head first when they were babies. Sure, my 3yo jumps off of things head first now to experiment with his body and its boundaries, but our babies didn’t careen off of the bed.

To be fair, we don’t use bed frames and simply put our box spring and mattress right on the floor. This is a Montessori style bed that is easy for a young child to climb in and out of independently, so if your bed is up on a frame, it may not be safe to encourage your baby to go feet first off the bed until she is tall enough to manage it.

But in general, by using the phrase “feet first” and supporting babies to descend safely, you’ll drastically reduce falls and protect your infant from many potential head injuries. I’ve used this technique with many of the babies in my care too, and it has always helped.

So here’s to a future filled with capable independence for your baby and calm confidence for you. Have a fabulous week!

April 25, 2018April 25, 2018

The #1 Best High Chair in the Entire World

OK, you can already tell by my headline that I LOVE this high chair. But why would a high chair be worthy of an entire blog post? Well, let me tell you!

If you know me at all, you know that I have done very little advertising on my website and I would never promote a product that I don’t use myself and absolutely love. But I just HAVE to tell every new parent I know all about this incredible high chair. I literally rave about this high chair to pregnant strangers (sorry!) and have practically forced my family members to add it to their registries. But here’s the thing, this high chair is literally my favorite baby gear purchase ever. Here’s what it is:

High Chair – Award Winning Svan Signet Complete High Chair With Removable Tray (Espresso)

And here’s why I love it so much:

Small footprint

Look, I don’t know about you, but I do not live in a huge house with endless square footage in my kitchen that can accommodate the footprint of some of the high chairs on the market right now. Not to mention the tripping hazard that many high chairs present. I understand that manufacturers need to ensure that a high chair won’t tip over, so many of the lightweight high chairs need a wide base to prevent tipping.

That’s one area where the Svan high chair shines. It has a small footprint but the base is quite heavy so it doesn’t tip, but it fits into a 2x2foot square!!!! You read that right. Talk about easy to tuck away into a corner when not in use! <3

Visually stunning and wooden

It’s beautiful. You may already know that I abhore large plastic brightly colored objects and try to keep them out of my home. I prefer wooden furniture and toys whenever possible. This high chair is a gorgeous piece of furniture and it fits nicely with our asthetic. And really, if my baby is going to eat her first solid foods, put her mouth all over and suck on her high chair (yes, they really do this) then I’d rather she be sucking on wood than plastic.

Note: there is a plastic cover for the tray that comes with the high chair. The plastic cover easily pops off and is dishwasher safe, but I chose not to use it, the wooden tray worked great for us and is easy to remove and wash at the sink.

Easy to move around the room

See that handle at the top of the chair? I’m a short woman but this high chair is extremely easy to move around the room, even for me. This is helpful because sometimes you just need to move it out of the way, or your baby wants to watch you cook, and with that convenient handle, you can actually pick up and move this high chair with one hand while holding your baby in the other arm. Good luck finding another high chair that can do that!

Adjusts for toddlers and kids up to 120 lbs!!!

OK, this is definitely one of the best features of this high chair. Baby gear is such a revolving door. You need stuff when they’re little, but by the time they’re a year old, you’ve got a room full of gear that you’re already finished with and more stuff that you now need for their current stage of development. Not so with the Svan high chair! This chair is completely adjustable with just two allen wrenches. At it’s smallest, it is a nice cozy fit for your 6 month old as you begin to introduce solid foods. But then you can adjust it to fit your bigger and bigger baby and then…

Here’s the amazing part, when you have a toddler who wants to do everything herself and she’s getting a little bit too heavy for you to lift into the seat anyway, you can take off the tray entirely and the chair turns into a toddler seat that she can climb into herself and it can be pushed right up to the table! Both of my kids really enjoyed this feature and felt like big kids when we made the switch (at around 18 months). You can still use the seatbelt harness if you’re worried about your toddler accidentally falling off, but after a few months, they seem to get the hang of it and no longer need the belt. This is a huge benefit since toddler’s accessibility and independence can make life SO MUCH easier! Later, the chair continues to adjust as needed until your child is ready for an adult sized chair. This “high chair” can actually hold a child up to 120 pounds!

Use for multiple kids!

You might not make it all the way to 120 pounds though, especially if you have another child. This was an amazing feature! Once my daughter was 4 ½ my 5mo. Old son was just about ready to start solid foods, I simply adjusted the seat back down to its smallest size and my son used it for the next 3 1/2 years! So if you’re planning to have more than one child, this chair is definitely worth the investment.

Sturdy and easy to maintain

Like I said, we used this chair for 7+ years and when we were finished with it, it went on to a new family who will likely use it for another 7! It is wooden, so easy to wipe down and you can get a cloth seat pad for it, which easily goes into the washer and dryer. I washed the seat pad about once a week during the baby food phase. As long as you have your allen wrenches at the ready and you keep the chair adjusted and tightened, my guess is that it would last at least 25 years. Sure ours had a few dings and scratches by the time we passed it on, but seriously, what other high chair has that kind of shelf life?!!

Holds its value well

OK, the truth is, we bought our Svan high chair from another family who had used it for about 4 years, we used it for another 7 years, and then I turned around and sold it for the same amount that I originally bought it for! If you’re planning to have more than one kid, you may want to purchase it new. The current price is actually about $100 less than it was 10 years ago. But you can also purchase one used and still get many years of use out of it.

Alright, I think I’m finished raving about this awesome high chair now. But seriously, It may be my favorite baby gear purchase ever. Highly, highly recommend!

April 17, 2018April 17, 2018

How to Quickly and Easily Reduce Screen Time

We’ve all been hearing about the ill effects of screen time on developing brains and each of us have a slightly different way of dealing with the information. Some people argue that the research isn’t in yet (there is actually quite a bit of research on this topic and most of it is quite disturbing), others are convinced that it couldn’t be nearly as harmful as the researchers purport. Some parents claim it’s their only break, and they really really need a break, and trust me, I hear you on that one.

But the truth is that we humans didn’t evolve to sit still for hours watching a screen, and when we do so as young children, it really does negatively impact our brain development. Attention span goes down, emotional regulation and control is negatively affected, self-control and the ability to plan ahead are impacted and even if we don’t want to admit it, we all know that our kids are not their best selves after a few hours of watching television. A lot of the current research is showing that it may not necessarily be the screens themselves, or even the content of shows, rather it’s the lack of social interaction that most negatively impacts kids.

Because of all of this, my son’s preschool has recommended that the students attempt to have a “screen free April.” At first I thought, “There is no way we can make it the whole month without a single show.” But then I heard about the incentive. The head of school has offered us $$ off our May tuition if we can make it through the entire month without using screens with your 3 year old.

Once I knew about the incentive, I was motivated. And as it turns out, my motivation was all we really needed to reduce our kids’ screen time drastically. I’m embarrassed to admit that my kids have very easily transitioned and it has actually been harder for we adults to give up our “free time” than it is for the kids to adjust to zero screen time.

Zero screen time?!!

To be fair, we already had a maximum of 2 hours per day and they typically didn’t watch that much even before the challenge, but I was amazed at how quickly both of our kids adjusted to the zero screen time challenge. After just a few days, they both completely stopped asking for shows!

Last weekend my daughter came down with a stomach bug and I nearly caved. Being sick with a fever and upset stomach without the option to zone out in front of the TV just sounds like torture to me, but after asking my husband and friends for some support, we decided to tough it out and I am so glad we did!

On day 15 and my 7-year-old daughter announced, “It’s a lot easier to live without screen time than I thought it would be!” OK, so here are the 5 simple things we’ve done differently during screen free April. I am surprised at how little effort these alternatives are actually requiring and more than a little bit embarrassed to admit that I’ve been the one driving my kids to the screen, even though I know full well that it’s not good for their development.

#1 Books on CD from our local library-

I ran over to the library and picked up about 10 chapter books on CD and this has been the #1 favorite screen time alternative for both my 7 and 3 year old. The two of them will spend hours together just listening and drawing or coloring. It’s really sweet to see them connecting in this way. Podcasts could serve a similar purpose but we prefer the low-tech option.

For extra credit, ask your kids about the plot to ensure that they really understand the story line or ask specific questions about the book, characters, or action to help them gain a deeper comprehension of the content. Historical fiction has started some very interesting conversations at our house this month!

#2 More time outside

More time in the back yard, more parks, and more walks by the river. This one does take a little bit more effort and planning, but the positive impacts of nature on our physiology greatly outweigh the hassle it is to actually get outside. We’re going to make an effort to keep this one going even after we re-introduce screen time.

Some highlights so far have been the nature art that my kids and I created at the base of one of our favorite trees, placing bird feed in our back yard and then watching the birds from inside with binoculars and discussing them, creating a natural shelter for our garden gnome, and hearing the kids talk excitedly about how they walked “all the way” to the high school with Grandpa (it’s only about 5 blocks from our house, but they had never done it before!).

#3 Art

Cover the kitchen table with newspaper, add a few sheets of paper, some markers, crayons, colored pencils, or paint and then sit back and supervise your children’s creative genius at work! Or jump in and create with them. Art is hugely therapeutic, so this one is going on the “to be continued even after April” list. The only problem we’ve had with this one is that they don’t want it to end and eventually we need the table back for dinner!

A friend of mine also suggested playing with modeling clay and I am constantly amazed at how long my children will sit and play with their clay. They trade colors with each other, help each other, and enjoy destroying their creations almost as much as making them! If your child is still putting things into her mouth, you may want to use play dough instead. While the clean up is a bit more intensive with play dough, toddlers sure do love the texture and feel of it, and it helps them develop manual muscle control which prepares the hand for writing later.

#4 Board Games

I’ll admit, I really don’t enjoy board games, I’m more of a puzzle person, but since we’ve gone screen free I have seen the grandparents bring out more board games, dominoes, the marble track, and other toys and games that engage the imagination. I’m always amazed at how much my kids enjoy winning a board game. We do have a few cooperative board games that I enjoy a bit more than the competitive ones. Hoot Owl Hoot is a big favorite of my 3 year old’s.

#5 Imaginitive play

The ability to play imaginary games is quickly becoming a lost art of childhood due to the overuse of screens and technology. Unfortunately, this skill is incredibly important to proper cognitive development and the development of the prefrontal cortex. Self-control, planning, and many of our higher cognitive functions rely on our ability to imagine and plan for multiple possible scenarios. This is part of the reason that the storyline curriculum is so successful.

Since we’ve cut out screens, my son often asks, “Will you play with me?” and then happily engages in whatever type of play we’re up for. Playing catch has been a big hit, but I’ve been trying to engage his imagination more and I can already see a positive result! After a couple of weeks of playing a few different imaginary games I now hear him playing by himself more often. He describes the situation to his stuffed animals, talks in different voices, and creates elaborate story lines.

I am feeling so grateful that my son’s Montessori preschool has challenged us to a screen free April! Without the challenge (and the incentive) I wouldn’t have realized how unnecessary much of the screen time was and how much more we’re connecting with each other, now that we’ve cut it out. This is going to give me much more of a backbone when it comes to saying no to screen time in the future too. Now that we’ve developed so many great alternatives, and we’ve broken the habit, I’m guessing that my kids will be asking much less often and watching considerably less.