This week I watched a fascinating video about baby led breastfeeding. It showed newborn, days old, and months old infants maneuvering themselves into a good nursing position with very little help from their mothers. Babies were deliberate in their movements bobbing and clearly searching for the nipple. And, when they found it on their own, many mothers reported that the latch was more comfortable than it had been when they had tried to help their babies find the nipple. What an incredible innate ability babies have!
Watching newborn infants lead the way at breastfeeding reminded me of one of the foundations of Maria Montessori’s groundbreaking educational philosophies; follow the child. Montessori asserted that children have an innate desire to learn and if we follow their lead, they will enjoy learning, retain more information, and continue to seek out even more knowledge.
But following the child doesn’t just work to help kids develop their intellect, it also helps them to find their power and leadership skills. When we allow children to be in charge and take the lead, they will often surprise us with their creativity and take us in directions we never expected.
For instance, kids who are feeling powerless and frustrated about it will often make up games than involve enslaving their brothers, sisters, parents, or other adults. It’s how they work out their frustrations about being a kid and how they learn to understand what it’s like to be in charge.
I’ve found that by allowing children to lead the way during some specifically designated child led play-time, kids become better able to cooperate and connect for the rest of the day.
I’ve even had experiences where I wasn’t sure why a child was grumpy or defiant and when I allowed the child to lead the play, I soon discovered what was really bothering them. Kids have an amazing ability to work out their emotional challenges through play, but they have to be allowed the time, space, and attention to do so effectively.
Have you ever walked by your child’s room and heard him in pretend play with his dinosaurs, “Now Danny, you have to eat your broccoli, green vegetables are good for your body.” “But Daaaad, I don’t waaant to eat it, it’s yucky!” “If you don’t eat your veggies you won’t grow up to be big and strong like me.” “OK, I’ll eat them, but can I have some cheese on them?” Or you may have noticed your daughter bossing around her dolls, “Get in your stroller right this minute young lady or I will have to take away your candy.”
Your challenge this week is to observe and play along with your child in activities or games that he or she has created. See what you can notice about what kind of play your child is most drawn to and reflect on how that might be an indication of what she’s experiencing in every day life. Is your child free, creative and lighthearted or angry and destructive? Consider how you can support your child in working out emotional challenges through child-led play on a daily or weekly basis.
And if you have one, please share a story below about your own experiences of child-led play. I would love to know what it’s been like for you!
Warmly, Shelly
My 4 year old has invented a game she calls Voices. We frequently play this game in the car when she’s confined in her carseat. She is the leader of a team of princesses and they have adventures where they rescue one of the princesses or her horse from bad people. She plays herself (as a princess) and I play the part of all the princesses, their animals, and the bad people. She could play this game all day–she LOVES it.