What Your Children REALLY Want
When They Act Out, Throw Tantrums and Become “Unreasonable”
Parenting Coach and Family Mediator
Reveal Nine “Conscious Parenting” Approaches
You Can Start Using Today
“Experience the Inner Peace You Need,
that Warm Connection with Your Little Ones…
Without Bribing, Scolding or Threats!”
Dear Concerned Parent,
 |
| Family Mediator JillNagle with son, Cainan |
Children often act out at the worst possible times, don’t they?
When you’re paying the bills, preparing dinner or in the early morning rush — when you need to get everyone ready and out the door.
I know how it feels. Especially when you simply don’t know how to stop them and they start screaming and whining.
I want to assure you — you can help your child calm down and find the peace you’re looking for. There are natural and sensible ways to do this…as you will soon discover.
As a parenting coach, I often hear from other parents. How, when faced with a child’s outburst and desperate to stop it — they do things they feel guilty about afterward. Things like…
- Shouting at their child for bothering them while they work(They don’t want to talk to them that way… but they don’t know how else to.)
- Distracting their little one by giving them snacks and candy(They’re afraid their kids will start to connect tears with rewards… then cry whenever they don’t get what they want.)
- Plopping their toddler down in front of cartoons(The last thing they want is for the TV to be their nanny… but it’s so easy when there’s work to do.)
Overwhelmed parents have even admitted to me, that sometimes, they outright ignore the tantrums.
They “tune out” and go on with what they were in the middle of doing.
I wouldn’t say these are bad parents. They’re not. After all…
Kids Don’t Come With a Manual
We’re all simply doing the best we can with what we’ve got.
That said, we also know (deep down inside) — there must be better ways of handling these demanding situations.
In a moment, you will realize that it is very much possible to stop, and even sometimes prevent these outbursts… without raising your voice or using bribery.
In fact, the nine Conscious Parenting approaches I want to share with you will…
- Bring you closer to your child “during the storm” — a bonding experience you would not have thought possible before
- Help you “align yourself” and regain control — recovering that “moment of daily peace” you crave… and need!
- Understand exactly what it is your child really wants when he acts out…
I Promise You —
They Are Not Manipulating You
When They Cry Uncontrollably
or Won’t Stop Whining
Unlike much of the parenting advice commonly given, these are not short-term “techniques” you use to trick your child. Not at all.
Also, I am not suggesting you “control” your children by counting to three. I want to be very clear with you on that. These Conscious Parenting approaches may be very different from what you’ve read in most parenting magazines or websites.
In fact, every time you apply these alternative approaches, you will be making a very important and loving deposit into the trust account with your little one.
Over time, you will gain more confidence, and feel closer and closer to them.
Yes, these Conscious Parenting approaches are that empowering
— both for you and your children together.
Here’s what one mother had to say…
“Tears and Anger Gone Faster”
“I found myself feeling frustrated and angry when he would burst into tears at things that seemed ‘no big deal’ to me. Since listening to Perspectives on Feelings, I have consciously practiced being a safe container for his feelings — listening to his feelings. I find that the tears and uprising of anger last a much shorter time when I really tune in… and then he’s happy again and ready to get going.”
– Kristin Liabraaten mother of two, Bend OR
“I want to skip ahead and hear about the nine conscious parenting techniques now!”
As a mother and author of Awake Parent Perspectives newsletter, I am asked questions like these every day…
- What’s the best way to deal with tantrums?
- Should I punish them for their “bad behavior” in these situations?
- My boys play rough, should I be worried?
- Should I hide my strong feelings (like anger) in front of my children?
- Should I hide my strong feelings (like anger) in front of my children?
The answer to these difficult parenting questions
can be answered with one word:
FEELINGS
How we deal with feelings, how we feel about feelings,
how we feel about our children’s feelings, even.
Especially when they “act out”.
After all, when children throw tantrums, they are basically expressing an emotion! Perhaps not in a way that’s easy for us to understand… but that’s what I’d like to talk about here.
When children become “unreasonable”, there are deep underlying emotional reasons why they’re whining, crying or hitting us. When this happens, our “fight-or-flight” reflex kicks in…
We threaten or punish them for being “bad” (fight)… or
We distract them or “tune them out” to get away from it (flight).
What we’re not doing, however, is addressing what’s really going on. Please listen — There is something deeper. Ask yourself this. The last time you lost your temper… perhaps you knocked over a glass of juice, or you forgot your car keys — were you really mad because you were clumsy there for a moment? Or was it something else? Chances are — it was because you had a long day, and something that happened in the morning finally caught up to you.
As adults, we’ve learned to “get over it” quickly. We may curse under our breath, or sigh loudly or quickly berate ourselves. But we MOVE on.
Our kids, on the other hand, simply haven’t developed this sense of emotional “control” yet. They know what they want… right now! And they let it be known!
(Actually, there’s something to be learned from this… Especially if we have learned to “repress” instead of “release” feelings as adults.)
Surely, I don’t enjoy it when my son swears or hits when he “loses it”… but I also dig to find out the real reason behind the anger.
Do you see why it’s so important to understand your children’s feelings now?
It’s not about “Emotional Control”.
It’s all about Emotional Intelligence.
Simply addressing their behavior is short-term.
It does NOT help us listen to our children.
It does NOT build the long-term
relationship you desire with them.
How they express their wants and needs as a smaller human being may not always make sense to us as grown adults.
“That makes sense to me. How can I help them gain emotional intelligence?”
What’s more, we as adults often forget… even we cannot stop ourselves from feeling our strongest emotions. We have spent decades mastering how to hide them, compartmentalize them, control them. Is it realistic for us to expect the same of our kids?
What I know for certain is this…
Releasing Feelings is Our Body’s Way
of “Cleaning Out” Our Psyche
Just like our bodies digest food, our psyches must “digest” what we see, hear and feel. What we go through in life.
The more life experiences “fill us up”, the more there is a need for us to “let it out”… through laughter, tears… and in ugly moments where we lose control, violence even.
Our children are no different from us when it comes to “needing release” — those needs may even be larger as the world is so new to them. We’ve simply learned “grown up ways” of dealing with stress over the years.
Stress like getting ready on short order in the morning… dressing, breakfast, commuting. Or abandoning our loved ones for eight to ten hours a day to work or go to school.
It’s become routine for us… to be “in control”. (May I quickly add this isn’t healthy?)
What’s more… we also have a mature “sense of time” that children don’t develop until they’re at least ten.
That’s why…
It’s not enough to help them
understand their strong feelings —
WE Must Also Reject “Suppressing”
and “Moving On” So That…
Your Children Can Grow in “Emotional Capacity”
And let’s be honest…
Human beings simply cannot grow when they are being threatened, punished or feeling unloved.
Distracting children with treats or television is the same. In cases like this, we have simply “put away” the hurt, where it “builds up” over time.
Let me ask you this…
If your best friend came to your house, eyes swollen from crying…would you immediately try to figure out how to get her to stop, distract her, or plan an escape route? Here’s what we know so far…
- When children “act out”, they are expressing a deep hurt and don’t know how else to tell us.
- If we try to stop them, or ignore them, we are telling them it’s NOT OK to have these feelings.
- We should address the behavior, but more importantly — help them understand what’s really going on inside… and how to express their emotions effectively.
How Can We Get Our Children
to Express Their Feelings In Ways We Can Handle?
 |
| Parenting Coach Shelly Birger Phillips |
My friend Jill and I started having some conversations about parenting. I am a parent coach, Montessori preschool educator and child development expert. And Jill is a mediator and writer with years of interpersonal communication and peer counseling under her belt.
The more we chatted, the more we realized our unique blend of parenting insights and approach — simply wasn’t something we’ve seen or heard before. Sure, we found bits and pieces here and there. (Both Jill and I have read STACKS of books in the field of parenting and communication.)
Without a doubt, however…
Slowly, eventually, we realized — we were on to something groundbreaking.
We began teaching Conscious Parenting classes, writing a blog, and now, we’ve collected some of our key insights on an audio program, called:
PERSPECTIVES ON FEELINGS
Let me tell you about the “Perspectives on Feelings” audio program. We tackle some tough issues about feelings, tantrums and inner peace. As a preview…
- The five things our kids want when they “lose control”. Love and Attention are two of them. Find out what the other three are. One of them affects boys more than the other four.
- Listen to how a tribe of four year olds boiled, tortured, and buried me (playfully) and why I was OK with this. I didn’t exert power, I didn’t intervene, I just went along — and how you can, too. (18:40)
- Should you tickle your child? Many parent groups “freak out” at the thought of this activity. It can disempower your child, make him feel out of control. I say you can tickle your little one — but only if you do it this way (20:19)
- When you feel anger boiling up inside you, is it OK to show it in front of your children? Tricky thing is — they probably already “picked it up”… even if you try to hide it. I suggest you share your feelings (even the strong ones) but in this safe way. (21:30)
- We touch on the “Pyramid of Needs” — from the basics (food, water & shelter) to deeper emotional needs like love and acceptance. Knowing what level of the pyramid “sets you off” is half the battle
We want you to have this knowledge. As a mother myself, I believe you are involved with the world’s most noble cause — that of raising a human being. Without you, there would be no great leaders, no life-saving doctors, no artisans.
I want to share with you what some of my clients have said about this audio program…
“My Children Deserve the Best Version of Me”
“A miracle! Five minutes in I couldn’t help but start to think about all the mothers I know that would greatly benefit from hearing this! I really liked the casual conversation style.
Clearing my mental and emotional clutter has created ‘space’ to live and parent more consciously, with greater awareness and focus. My children deserve the best version of me possible.”
– Catherina Simones, mother of two, Bend OR
“Transitions Go Much Smoother Now”
“A recent challenge I’ve been having with my two year old is ‘transitions’. From playing to leaving the house, to going to the bathroom, or getting dressed. Listening to Perspectives on Feelings inspired me to handle these situations differently. I especially liked the ‘explicit listening’ and ‘holding space’ approaches.”
– Aria Baker, mother of two, Bend OR
What would these results be worth to you? To be able to understand your children’s strongest emotions, when they’re completely out of control. Unable to express their needs in the civil way you’re used to with other adults?
For less than the cost of one dinner out, the Perspectives on Feelings audio program — which includes the audio, workbook, and transcript… it is available to you for the reasonable price of $37. HOWEVER — because this is our very first product release ever, we wanted to make a big splash and offer Perspectives on Feelings to you for $27!
To order the “Perspectives on Feelings” audio program now…
(Start the program immediately even if it’s 2 AM on Saturday night)
Need a bit more?
Let me share with you a “taste”
of the nine approaches revealed
on this audio program…
- The power of “Holding Space” — discover how you can defuse a tantrum while ALSO strengthening your bond with your child. (10:13, 32:02)
- Connecting by “Guessing At” — a simple exercise you can start using right away to help “prevent the next meltdown” so to speak. (16:13)
- Something you’re doing every day already… but if you do it a little different — you can find more inner peace. (23:37)
- The key difference between “social listening” and “explicit listening” and when to use them. (29:24)
- The one necessary interaction that will move you intimately closer to your children. (38:28)
We made these nine approaches available to you in audio format because I know you’re busy… running errands, preparing dinner, handling after-hours office work.
Sometimes, the only time you can “work on” parenting may be between those hectic activities… in the car, bus or train.
However, I also know that you may want something more to help the new knowledge sink in. That’s why we had this audio program professionally transcribed — so that you can add notes in the margin and highlight key parts you want to memorize.
I have also lovingly prepared a supplementary workbook for you. Each of the eleven exercises will help reinforce what Jill and I talk about on the audio program.
To order your copy of the Perspectives on Feelings audio program…
(Start the program immediately even if it’s 2 AM on Saturday night)
Once again, the “Perspectives on Feelings” audio program includes…
- A 41:01 audio you can listen to while driving to work, or while running errands.
- A comprehensive 18-page supplementary workbook to help you “solidify” the nine Conscious Parenting approaches taught on the audio.
- A complete transcript of the audio program to highlight and mark up, if you like
For less than the cost of a “movie night out” with your kids, we’re offering the Perspectives on Feelings audio program to you for the reasonable price of$27.
Finally— your copy of the Perspectives on Feelings audio program is protected by our
60 Day 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
You have 60 full calendar days to review the program once you receive it.
If you feel the approaches revealed on this audio program have NOT dramatically improved your ability as a parent to handle and understand your children’s tantrums and feelings…
Please write me and let me know how I can improve the program.
If after that, you are still dissatisfied with your purchase, I will gladly offer you a full refund.
(Start the program immediately even if it’s 2 AM on Saturday night)
To order your copy of Perspectives on Feelings now, please click on the order link of your choice. You will be redirected to our PayPal site. It’s okay if you don’t have a PayPal account. You may pay with Visa, MasterCard or American Express as well.
Once we receive your order, we will quickly send you to a secure website to download your audio program, workbook and transcript. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 A.M. on Saturday night — you will get instant access.
(Start the program immediately even if it’s 2 AM on Saturday night)
Let me repeat…It is possible to understand
what your kids are going through when they throw tantrums, act out or behave “badly”.
Most importantly —
You Can Stop It Without Shouting, Bribing or Using Some Other “Cheap Trick”.
Warmly,
Shelly Birger Phillips | Awake Parent Perspectives P.S. Aren’t you tired of “banging your head against the wall” when it comes to your child’s tantrums and outbursts? You deserve to know how to deal with it effectively without bribing, scolding or punishing your child. P.P.S. We passed this audio program to a few colleagues, here’s what two top American parenting coaches had to say…
“Just What Today’s Mindful Parents Need”
“In this recorded conversation, Shelly and Jill reveal the power of ‘holding space’ for our children’s feelings and emotions. Going beyond mere explanation, they demonstrate this power two-fold as they hold space for each other while recalling real-life examples of holding space with children. Their combination of depth and practicality is just what today’s mindful parents need.”
– Scott Noelle Parenting Coach and Author, The Daily Groove
www.scottnoelle.com
Port Townsend WA
“I Suggest Putting This Audio on Repeat”
“Shelly and Jill teach and represent Conscious Parenting at its best! In ‘Perspectives on Feelings’ they clarify the bigger picture of what children are trying to communicate when they demonstrate intense emotions and how being allowed, encouraged and supported during demonstrations of emotion is a pivotal part of healthy human development.
As adults we sometimes unknowingly attempt to stop a child’s emotional process to meet our own needs. In this audio program, we are taught how to avoid this mistake and interact with children in ways that mindfully enhance their connection with their inner world. Perfect for parents and professionals who are serious about encouraging youth to thrive, I suggest putting this audio on repeat until the concepts are memorized.”
– Shera L. Davis Parenting Coach, Flourishing Families
www.sherasflourishingfamilies.com
San Francisco CA
(Start the program immediately even if it’s 2 AM on Saturday night)
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